I have always considered myself an eternal optimist; and maybe
a bit sarcastic, too. I even won an award from the Optimist Club when I was in
junior high school. It's just the way I am. So I couldn't resist contemplating
what might be good about a Trump Administration.
Here's my list of top 10 things to look forward to in a
Trump Administration
10. No one will make
fun of me for saying anything incoherent or stupid for the next 4 years because
no matter what I say, it will sound more coherent than the big guy. I mean,
think about it: you know...I can't...well folks...you know what I'm talkin'
about...sad, isn't it...look...lets face it...the liberal media...well, I dont
have to tell you...they can't...well Twitter...I mean I've got yuge hands...and
so spectacular...am I right...right, so fabulous.
9. Roads and infrastructure
will improve greatly. The little bit that has leaked out about Trump's
infrastructure "plan" is that it relies on private sector investment
which, in turn, only works if the private sector can get a return on their
investment through a toll, raised sewer rate or a parking fee. The problem for
those who voted for Trump thinking they were going to get the spoils is that
proposition only works in heavily populated areas (blue states) like places
where Trump wants improved infrastructure next to his investment properties. The
great thing for me is that I live in one of those areas.
8. I won't need to
heat my house anymore. With Chinese hoax fake news, climate change accelerated
to a break-neck pace. All I'll need is a coal-fired air conditioning unit.
7. I can finally stop
sending my hard earned tax dollars to the red states. The majority of the
states that did not vote for Donald Trump pay more into the federal treasury
than they receive back from the federal government in terms of grants and
subsidies. The majority of the states that did vote for Trump currently receive
more back from the federal government than they pay in. Trump has said
that he is going to significantly lower taxes and cut subsidies. That has to
calculate into me paying less and the red states getting less.
6. Trump says he's “gonna
get tough on trade imbalances with China”. No China trade means no Walmart
which equals the return of all the small family-sustaining, “mom and pop,” Main
Street businesses that were wiped out by Walmart.
5. No more having to
get up early in the morning wake my kids and get them off to liberal public
school. I'll be able to keep them home where they belong, on the internet,
and learn them good myself with a government voucher. Thank God I won't have to
pay school taxes anymore. And the government will even buy me the
computer! That way, after the kids go to bed I can surf the Internet for
interesting things like cats and roosters and chicken parts for free.
Heck, the kids will even be around to sign for packages when I'm not
home. What a time saver!
4. The air I breathe
and the water I drink will be clean again. Not because we have done
anything to actually clean it up, but Trump will have eliminated any regulation
or definition that declares it unfit. Those damn regulations have been killing
jobs and profits across the nation for far too long--gone. As long as we're all
employed at minimum wage jobs, who cares if we're drinking tainted water and
breathing sulfur dioxide fumes. It will now all be considered clean. Easy --the air I breathe and the water I
drink will all be clean again; done. So much for the liberal, mumbo-jumbo
scare tactics supported by the media. I drink beer and have an air conditioner
in my window; who needs a babbling brook and a lame yoga instructor telling me
to breathe in the fresh air anyway.
3. No more health
insurance premiums until or unless I get sick. Trump said he is going to
repeal Obamacare but keep the parts that the people like. The most liked aspect
of Obamacare is the provision that prevented insurance companies from denying
coverage because of a pre-existing condition. The least-liked portion of
Obamacare is that it requires everyone to buy insurance. Therefore, if the
requirement to buy insurance is eliminated under Trumpcare but the provision to
ensure that insurance companies cover me even if I have a pre-existing
condition remains under Trumpcare, that means that I can wait until I get sick
to buy insurance. And since one of the other complaints about Obamacare was
that premiums were going up, I can rest assured that under Trumpcare the
insurance that I buy on the day I get sick will cost less. Win! Win! Win!
2. ISIS will be
eliminated in the next 100 days. Trump has said that he will eliminate ISIS
"fast... really fast". France has arguably been one of the most
vulnerable targets of ISIS in recent years. Trump can't eliminate ISIS
unless he eliminates the organization worldwide. That means France will become
a much safer place. Which means that thousands of Americans can enjoy the
beaches in the south of France while they live in exile for the next four years.
1. I will never need
to look at another picture of Donald Trump again for the next 4 years. Why
so, you ask? Because Trump has ordered that the media refrain from
displaying unflattering images of him.
Case closed.
