Friday, January 20, 2017

Here's my list of top 10 things to look forward to in a Trump Administration

I have always considered myself an eternal optimist; and maybe a bit sarcastic, too. I even won an award from the Optimist Club when I was in junior high school. It's just the way I am. So I couldn't resist contemplating what might be good about a Trump Administration.

Here's my list of top 10 things to look forward to in a Trump Administration

10. No one will make fun of me for saying anything incoherent or stupid for the next 4 years because no matter what I say, it will sound more coherent than the big guy. I mean, think about it: you know...I can't...well know what I'm talkin' about...sad, isn't it...look...lets face it...the liberal media...well, I dont have to tell you...they can't...well Twitter...I mean I've got yuge hands...and so I right...right, so fabulous.

9. Roads and infrastructure will improve greatly. The little bit that has leaked out about Trump's infrastructure "plan" is that it relies on private sector investment which, in turn, only works if the private sector can get a return on their investment through a toll, raised sewer rate or a parking fee. The problem for those who voted for Trump thinking they were going to get the spoils is that proposition only works in heavily populated areas (blue states) like places where Trump wants improved infrastructure next to his investment properties. The great thing for me is that I live in one of those areas.

8. I won't need to heat my house anymore. With Chinese hoax fake news, climate change accelerated to a break-neck pace. All I'll need is a coal-fired air conditioning unit.

7. I can finally stop sending my hard earned tax dollars to the red states. The majority of the states that did not vote for Donald Trump pay more into the federal treasury than they receive back from the federal government in terms of grants and subsidies. The majority of the states that did vote for Trump currently receive more back from the federal government than they pay in. Trump has said that he is going to significantly lower taxes and cut subsidies. That has to calculate into me paying less and the red states getting less.

6. Trump says he's “gonna get tough on trade imbalances with China”. No China trade means no Walmart which equals the return of all the small family-sustaining, “mom and pop,” Main Street businesses that were wiped out by Walmart.

5. No more having to get up early in the morning wake my kids and get them off to liberal public school. I'll be able to keep them home where they belong, on the internet, and learn them good myself with a government voucher. Thank God I won't have to pay school taxes anymore.  And the government will even buy me the computer!  That way, after the kids go to bed I can surf the Internet for interesting things like cats and roosters and chicken parts for free.  Heck, the kids will even be around to sign for packages when I'm not home. What a time saver!

4. The air I breathe and the water I drink will be clean again. Not because we have done anything to actually clean it up, but Trump will have eliminated any regulation or definition that declares it unfit. Those damn regulations have been killing jobs and profits across the nation for far too long--gone. As long as we're all employed at minimum wage jobs, who cares if we're drinking tainted water and breathing sulfur dioxide fumes. It will now all be considered clean.   Easy --the air I breathe and the water I drink will all be clean again; done.  So much for the liberal, mumbo-jumbo scare tactics supported by the media. I drink beer and have an air conditioner in my window; who needs a babbling brook and a lame yoga instructor telling me to breathe in the fresh air anyway.

3. No more health insurance premiums until or unless I get sick. Trump said he is going to repeal Obamacare but keep the parts that the people like. The most liked aspect of Obamacare is the provision that prevented insurance companies from denying coverage because of a pre-existing condition. The least-liked portion of Obamacare is that it requires everyone to buy insurance. Therefore, if the requirement to buy insurance is eliminated under Trumpcare but the provision to ensure that insurance companies cover me even if I have a pre-existing condition remains under Trumpcare, that means that I can wait until I get sick to buy insurance. And since one of the other complaints about Obamacare was that premiums were going up, I can rest assured that under Trumpcare the insurance that I buy on the day I get sick will cost less. Win! Win! Win!

2. ISIS will be eliminated in the next 100 days. Trump has said that he will eliminate ISIS "fast... really fast".  France has arguably been one of the most vulnerable targets of ISIS in recent years.  Trump can't eliminate ISIS unless he eliminates the organization worldwide. That means France will become a much safer place. Which means that thousands of Americans can enjoy the beaches in the south of France while they live in exile for the next four years.

1. I will never need to look at another picture of Donald Trump again for the next 4 years. Why so, you ask?  Because Trump has ordered that the media refrain from displaying unflattering images of him.

Case closed.